Dissapointed?

I know when I check other people's blogs and they haven't updated in 15 days I get a little frustrated. Why aren't they posting? What is going on??

So I appoligise to anyone who was upset by this.

News: I have NOT caught H1N1. Although several children in my daycare have been diagnosed with it. I do currently have some sort of cold that dislikes me. We'll see what happens.

My wedding dress has arrived. As in MY dress! Not a store sample that hundreds of girls have tried on... MY gown! The one Tim will see and be amazed by. Absolutely stunned.

I also have a new week and a half old nephew named Kadyn! Pronouced Kay-den, for those of you who might be confused. He is adorable, which isn't confusing. And I am so completely jealous I would love to take him home. I was teasing Tim that I wouldn't take him, because he is a boy and I want a girl.

"Yeah right." He said scornfully. "If someone came up to you and said, 'This boy baby or NO baby.' You would take him."

"Absolutely." I said. People very rarely give away free babies. Although I used to have daydreams that while I was hanging my arms out the car window a baby would fall from the sky from a plane and they would let me keep it because I saved it from smushing onto the ground. Dreams die hard, hey?

Speaking of dreams... I had three in a row where my oldest younger brother was angry at me. Which is silly, because he's not. None of my brothers are. Although the middle one might be rejecting everyone :s

I have decorted somewhat. I'm not allowed a tree untill December. And I can't do it on my own because the tree is extremely huge and difficult. It is a two person job.

the snowball effect

I already knew how true it was, but it is just plain fact that once things start to roll, they go faster and faster untill they smash into something.

I don't want to smash.

I wish I had someone on the other side to talk to.

mind blown

I was just watching a video clip of a man talking about his role as a father. He was saying that he looked at raising children, and having children, as being entrusted with the responsibility of raising them by God. That they were God's children, and God wanted him to raise them properly...

That hit home. That our kids really aren't our kids, but either God's kids, or our worlds children. Even in a non-religious view of that... you have been given this responsibility to raise these children right. Not for you, not even really for them, but for our society, for mankind as a whole.

I feel very small right now.

worn out

I am so sick of life today. I'm sure tomorrow I'll be friends with it again. Today... no. I've been working full time, with busy weekends. And this weekend is busy again. I hate busy weekends!

Though, last weekend was important and this weekend will be fun.

Last weekend we were in Victoria so Tim could do his PARE (the rcmp physical exam). He did great. 3:42! The cut-off time was over a minute more than that. I'm proud of him... but honestly... the closer his actually being a cop comes, the stranger I feel. *shrug*

Next weekend we're in Port Alberni for a cousin's wedding, and his Grandpa's 80th birthday. His family events make me feel uncomfortable. All I want to do is hide. But we'll have the wedding to talk about, I guess. Haha, except that we're not inviting everyone :s

Wedding news: I bought my veil... 130$ later and I won a gift certificate for the Bride's Closet. Nice. I also found out 2 other people are using my venue. But after me, so it's okay.

I miss Tim. He works late tonight and I need cuddles :(

sunday sunday sunday sunday

Tomorrow is yet another Sunday... I had a dream many weeks ago that involved the Church of LDS and ovens and jackets and graveyards and childcare... anyhow, when I looked it all up a stove, which was one of the main images in my dream "suggests a developing awareness"

Sunday. To go or not to go?

Alaska Bound

Yesterday Tim and I had a long desired morning off together. We both had Saturday off (an amazing and surprising first) but sadly I was updating my first aide... sort of important.

So. We had our day off and we made a special trip down to Coombs for fudge. Yes. We specifically drove to coombs and back only to buy two thick slives of maple and vanilla fudge. It made me think of you, Amay! The fudge was delicious. We have eaten more than a healthy amount already... plus way too many english mints. They are too much fun to crunch and enjoy.

Anywho, regarding alaska... after our fudge journey we wended our way to Sears Travel to talk with Megan, our travel agent (sounds so grown-upish) about our honeymoon. The finalized plans are as follows:

Saturday evening - Catch the ferry to Vancouver and stay in a classy hotel. No heart shaped beds :s
Sunday morning - drive down to Seattle in our car, and park it
Sunday Afternoon - Board the NCL ship to Alaska!

Don't worry. They'll ship us back to Seattle. At which point we'll drive back to Vancouver, stay in a classy hotel, and ferry boat it home.

In some ways I'm looking forward to this trip more than the wedding. Mostly I'm looking forward to when I'm "allowed" to have a baby. I found out today that yet another young, somewhat immature girl my age is pregnant. Not married. Not engaged. No house. No job.

I know there is a reason for everything... but what is the reason for this? Maybe there are some children at work that need my help right now. And if I had my own baby I couldn't be there for them. *sigh* I do love my daycare kids though... They've helped me realize that I'd love a boy just as much as a girl. (If I get to choose, though, Lucy Mae needs a body for her name.)

Now off to do laundry so the man of the house has clean work shirts for tomorrow.

Ah, to have wisdom

Wisdom. Overrated? In the case of teeth I'd have to say yes! On thursday I have to go and have one of my wisdom teeth removed. I am not thrilled. Especially since my boss has me working the day afterwards. I would prefer to have that day off :(

In other news... back in July, maybe, I "called" Thanksgiving. Which baisically meant that I wanted to have it at my house. I wanted to cook the turkey, be in charge and host the event. I called it so long ago because I missed out on Christmas at my house last year. And because thanksgiving last year sucked. The turkey was raw. Ew.

Last night at Tim's parents house we're visiting with them and his brother, sister in law and nephew and all of a sudden Tracy says, "Oh, we're having Thanksgiving at our house this year."

Great. So everyone forgot that I called it. And I can't do Christmas because the other stupid sister in law will have her stupid baby by then and want to have his first Christmas at home. Which I understand. I do.

But where does this leave me? Thanksgiving 2009 - Taken
Christmas 2009 - Taken
Easter 2010 - Busy with wedding stuff

and by the tim Thanksgiving and Christmas role around NEXT year, I'll be off my medications and probably unable to walk let alone prepare and host a large family dinner.

Most of the time I love (most) of my in-laws. At times like this I feel absolutely rejected and unimportant. I don't know how many times I have felt like just giving up on trying to be a part of it.

I feel like telling everyone to fuck off and going and having Thanksgiving anyways at my house for MY family. Except that would upset Tim... and I don't want him upset.

Fall is here

I was so excited when we started to have all our rain back. It honestly didn't feel like Nanaimo with all that sunshine!

The leaves are changing. I know this because at work last week one of my kids came up to me and said, "Teacher, look! The leaves are red!" In my teacherly manner I said, "Yes, and what does that mean?"

"That it's almost your wedding!!"

Ha! That one was my fault though... They asked me when the wedding was, so I told them first all the leaves had to change colour and fall off the trees, then Christmas, then all the leaves had to grow back. I love those kiddies.

I have had a random severe pain in my wisdom teeth area... I'm positive that means they'll have to come out. Which sucks... except it can't because then I'd get dry socket!

What else... we had Tim's parents over tonight for taco dinner. We hadn't invited them over since my birthday! I felt bad. Then I rambled on about how I don't wear pants at home. I am a character.

The Wedding Plans

The plans... the plans have evolved so much from my original wedding vision. While I know I had to start somewhere, it's odd to see what I thought I wanted vs. what I'm getting or what I want now.

In the beginning I wanted Green and Brown for colours. That has slowly and unintentionally evolved into Green and White with brown accents.

In the beginning I wanted roses, elaborate herb and wildflower bouquets. And now I'm so excited about handpicked lilacs from my mother's yard.

In the beginning I wanted tacos. And... well, actually I still want to have tacos. But now we're having soups and salads and sandwiches. Cheaper, more crowd pleasing, and deffinatley safer in a white dress! (Or, ivory, in my case.)

Most of all I'm excited to be married to Tim. Last night I half jokingly, half seriously asked him if we could sneak off to city hall and get married, and keep it a secret from everyone else for the next 9 months. He said no. But I always think that would be so romantic... getting married and having no one know.

I kind of understand why people feel the need to elope. Plus, weddings are expensive! We're doing ours for super cheap. But honestly, the only reason we can do it that way is we have so many friends and family members willing to help out. A friend is doing my hair, my sister in law is doing the cake, my mom is buying my dress, my dad is chipping in some cash, and so on and so on.

I love my wedding. And I feel like I'm organized enough now that by the time the wedding is a month away, I'll be able to sit back and enjoy the excitement.

The Dress :)

Yesterday was my day off. Usually I don't get Wednesday's off. They are super busy at work, so I'm usually there all day long. But due to the holiday I ended up with a free day.

Tim and I went around getting some errands done and then I had him drop me off downtown. I figured I'd take back my long over-due library books (like, 6 or 7 months over-due!) and maybe have a quick look at some dresses... just because I could.

So I get there, to The Bride's Closet, and I start picking ouy dresses I'd like to try on. None of them are jumping out at me too much form the racks, but I'm not worried. Today was just a casual try on day, right?

I go and start to try on dresses.... nothing's looking that great. Then I see my neighbour, Erin, and her sister Sara coming inside! Erin is getting married on Saturday and was picking up her dress. So they were there for this next momenteous moment.

I tried on one which we all liked. Then I went back and put on The Dress. It was very cool. For those of you who would like to see a picture, it is the Jacqueline style #1618. I don't dare put up a picture just in case Tim stumbled over to have a look.

I walked out and the lady laced me up. And then all we could do was look. Which wasn't too unusual really. But then I didn't want to take it off... and finally Sara went and got a veil and stuck it into my hair. And I started to cry.

So I have an appointment on Sunday to go back with my mom and Julie to try it on for them and get their opinion.

I keep looking at the pictures we took with my phone... I am nervous!!

It's sunday again.

Today is Sunday. Lately I've been feeling on sundays that there's somewhere I should be.. It's times like this that I wish I had close friends who were religious. But I don't.

Tim is not religious. When I say I envy the closeness and community feeling that just radiates from religion he brushes it aside. And maybe I'm only seeking that sense of closeness and family who isn't related. But shouldn't there be a reason why I keep looking at religion?

Isn't there something more?

Home made-sicles

Today at work was hectic, but very satisfying. We decided to make home made fruit popsicles. Since we had our new centre policy of no junk food, I had been sort of sad that the kids wouldn't get popsicles this summer.

So I went out and bought tons of strawberries, blueberries, and raspberries. And we mashed them up! It was so fun to see how excited they were talking about making their own. And when they finally got to eat them, they were amazed that they tasted so good and so proud of themselves for doing it! Yay kiddies!

In other news, I had my first voice lesson with Sharon yesterday. I was nervous, but feeling better about the state of my voice since that awful audition. (I swore I was a better singer than that!) She was so nice about it... telling me I just needed to warm up, and that I had a nice natural clarity to my voice. I like compliments :)

Later on yesterday we vaccinated Alice the cat (camel has - four humps!). She got sick... she wouldn't eat, wouldn't jump around, and was NOT herself. It made me mad at myself for taking her to the vet. But thankfully she has gotten happier today. My little purring machine.

In wedding news, I created a wedding newsletter, but no one wants to read it. They think I'm crazy... and you know... thinking about it, if I had heard of any other girl doing this, I would think they were crazy.

But we already knew I was crazy.

You know you need to post when...

You know you need to post when you get a phone call from your mother (who lives in town) and asks you why you haven't blogged lately. Ah, to live in the information era! The last time I posted was back in the end of March... wow.

Since then I had a quietly celebrated 22nd birthday. I worked ALOT. I also finished my block practicum, which means that I am so so so close to becomign a fully liscened early childhood educator. Crazy.

I also had my engagement pictures done! They are absolutely beautiful, and I feel like I need to share them. My photographers, Erin and Biance (http://www.out-there.ca/) are amazing. I loved working with them.

This was the exact bench, by the way, where Tim asked me to marry him. I'd say that makes for an adorable picture!

My brother and his fiance moved back home in June. I never really realized how much I missed them untill they came home. I talked to Julie on the phone for an hour and a half without even realizing it! We do have tons to talk about, I guess. She's one of my bridesmaids :)

Speaking of weddings, we were invited to four weddings between now and November. Two of Tim's cousins are getting married (July 27th and November somethingth). And two of his friends (August 8th and August 15th). Yes. You read that right. Our august weddings are a week apart! I'm going to be on wedding overload.

It'll be nice though, to get to see what other girls have done.

Whoops! I lost March!

I have lost the month of March! It went by so fast it was almost scary. Does anyone else feel like it was just Christmas time? I swear I still have wrapping paper hiding in my house!

March has been full of stuff. Tim turned 24. My doctor was actually optimistic about my arthritis! I've applied to write a wedding blog for a certain website. I'm actually very excited about that. I like talking weddings. So to be able to do it every week or so would be awesome :)

I have had a very good day today. It was absolutely a Spring day. Sunny, warm, very beautiful. I opened all my windows wide and let it in. I got to visit with my neighbor, Erin, who is also getting married (This August!). Its nice to have someone to discuss things with. I think I've said that before, but it is true.

Moving on, my birthday is coming up soon! Which means that a slew of other people's birthdays are coming too. Elina, Benjamin, My mommy, a particular person who I call a friend in my mind where no one can hear.

So goodbye to March, and lets welcome April. Hurry up!

R.C.M.P.

Lately Tim has been talking about becoming a police officer. And then he finally said to me that he wanted to do it. To start the appliation process.

"How do you feel about it?"

How do I feel about it? It's strange. I know that he would be a good police office. I know that he would be happier in this sort of career where he could do some good. I know he would like the fact that he could support us, so I could stay home with our children.

I don't have any real objections to it. I would worry about him, yes. It's hard to worry about him when he works at grocery store with 40 other people each day plus countless numbers of customers. He's doing shift work now, which is annoying but I deal with it just fine.

There's no real rush. He can't join for another 2.5 years due to some of the requirements they have. But he wants to do it. He's already started to get himself into better shape. So that he's ready.

I do not like the fact that he will have to go to Regina for 6 months of training. During which time he'll like in barrack-style accomidations. *sigh*

I suppose I just needed to vent about it. (ventventvent)

Weddings galore!

It feels like there is an abundance of weddings coming up. Tim and I's wedding, Ryan and Erin, Tim's cousin Michelle and Curtis, as well as Kristi and Mark! That's four weddings. All in the next year and a half.

In some ways it's nice. I get to talk about the experience with people who understand why it's so hard to cut people off the list, and the importance of the dress! But I suppose any girl or liberal male will appreciate dress details. I wish I had a dress. I can't wait to have a dress.

The only bad thing is that everyone else's wedding is before mine. I am jealous. I tried to convince Tim to move the wedding up to this May instead of next. He refused and I pouted for two days. Silly me.

I had forgotten how much I liked the sound of Regina Spektor's voice.

Optimism and Yoga (aaaahhh)

For the first time today, my doctor was positive about my arthritis! He looked at my inflammation levels over the last 2 years, and it has finally started to level out. He said that he's happy with how I'm doing!

Now, this might not seem like much, but for the entire two years I've seen this doctor, he is always hoping for better, always wishing things would improve. And it started getting a bit pessimistic. But it was a great change to see him be excited about my progress. That, combined with the beautiful day we had today made for a perfect first yoga day.

It wasn't really a "first" for the yoga. I took it back when Tim was in Belize to give me something to do while he was gone. And it helped with my flexibility and range of motion. So I figured, lets do it again!

The instructor was great. Really understanding and willing to modify poses for me so I could get the same benefit. And it was relaxing... so calming and grounding. I've felt great all day :)

Speaking of great days... Valentine's Day was pretty cool this year. We went out for breakfast together. Tim had to work 1-10, so I puttered around cleaning up and such, and he called me on his lunch break:

Tim: What are you up to?
Me: Oh, just cleaning up and stuff.
*DING DONG!!* (The doorbell rings!)
Me: Oh shit. The doorbell just rang.
Tim: Oh really?

I go to answer it, and it's Tim! Bearing tulips and some hagen-das caramel latte ice cream! Yum! I surprised him late on with candles and hot chocolate on our deck. In all, it was great.

Growing apart?

It's sad to realize that you may have finally out-grown some of your old friends. But I feel like I can only try so much and for so long before I just need to give up. I've given one particular friend all the chances to help make it work. Maybe it's not as exciting as doing drugs and partying. Yeah, I'm boring now. But honestly? Was I any more exciting back then?

Maybe it wasn't friendship. After all... we were the closest when they thought they were in love with me.

Wedding Dress take two?

I've heard it said that (people come into our lives for a reason...) once you find the perfect wedding dress, you'll just know. Something will click, people will cry and it will be awesome. But is that true? Or is it only true for some people?

Of the dresses I tried on so far, I liked two, and then one started to grow on me the more I looked at pictures and thought about it. But I wasn't in love with it at first.

Weddings are crazy events. We had to cut off 15 people from Tim's family, and now my mother is quickly thinking of more relatives to invite and fill up those spots :s Part of me wishes we could afford to do a bigger wedding. Part of me wishes that Tim and I would go off one Tuesday afternoon and get married on our own. I like the idea of a party, but I liked the idea of being married to Tim more.

Emotions also run high at big events. I think I've already managed to make Trish upset with me twice and it's nowhere near close to the wedding date. *sigh*

Wedding Dress

On Thursday I have requested the day off. It happens to be the day that my mother and I are going wedding dress shopping! I'm really awfully excited. Of course, I might not find anything I like, but the thought that I might is exciting.

We've so far booked the hall, the photographer, and the pastor. And we know what we're doing for music and food, we just haven't booked them yet. So we're excited.

Anyhow... I should go and get ready for work. I'm covering a shift for a co-worker who may or may not be a co-worker for much longer.

New Offices and Bookings

I had yet another infusion today. They have a brand new clinic there! Instead of the one, tiny cramped room, they have two bigger rooms, AND a storage area AND a front desk. It was nice to be in the room alone and not have a nurse hovering over you, searching your eyes for any sign of your common cold really being meningitis. (It isn't. It's a cold, I swear!)

I had a call from work this morning. It was my boss.
"Can you come in and work today?"
"No. I have my appointment to get my medication."
"Oh.. well, could you come in at 11?"
"No. It won't be done by then."

Not only was today my scheduled day off, I'm also sick! I had to cancell Sarah-Barbara Day with Sarah. Sad.

In un-sad news, Tim and I booked the German Club for our wedding! I'm so excited.. I keep trying to convince Tim to let me do things like rent plates or hire a photographer. He says it's too soon. I guess he's right. *sigh*

At Alleah's baby shower this weekend we ended up talking about the wedding. I tried to keep the talk to Alleah's little bun-in-the-oven, but hey, a room full of girls are determined to talk about weddings.

Brianna decided to throw me an engagement party. I like parties.

But when I am sick, I also like sleep. So off I go.

2008

1. What did you do in 2008 that you'd never done before?
So many things… I got engaged, I bought a house, I started a job that I love

2. Did you keep your new years' resolutions, and will you make more for next year?
I don’t think I made any resolutions. And I don’t plan on making any. I feel like by making them at this time of year I’m doing it because everyone else is, and not because I really care about what I’m doing.

3. Did anyone close to you give birth?
No one close, but several people I know gave birth.

4. Did anyone close to you die?
No

5. What countries did you visit?
Canada!

6. What would you like to have in 2009 that you lacked in 2008?
I think that I had everything I could want in 2008.

7. What date from 2008 will remain etched upon your memory, and why?
November 23rd – It was a Sunday, and it was the day that Tim asked me to marry him. (p.s. I said yes)

8. What was your biggest achievement of the year?
My health got much better, and I started my career with kids.

9. What was your biggest failure?
Being lazy day-to-day

10. Did you suffer illness or injury?My arthritis improved quite a bit, but I did have a terrible flare-up on the weekend of Trisha’s birthday

11. What was the best thing you bought?
A house!

14. Where did most of your money go?
To the townhouse

15. What did you get really, really, really excited about?
Weddings. My wedding, Erin’s wedding, and all the other weddings

16. What song will always remind you of 2008?
What song? Lol, “Still Alive” by Glados


Compared to this time last year, are you:

17. Thinner or fatter?
about 20 pounds thinner

18. Richer or poorer?
It’s hard to say... I’d say richer

19. What do you wish you'd done more of?
Theatre

20. What do you wish you'd done less of?
procrastinating

21. How did you spend Christmas?
With Tim and I’s family

22. Did you fall in love in 2008?
I fall in love all over again every day.

24. What was your favorite TV program?
America’s Next Top Model! And 17 Kids and Counting. Damn reality TV gets me all the time. I can spy on people without being creepy.

25. Do you hate anyone now that you didn't hate this time last year?
Actually, I’ve stopped hating a couple people who I hated this time last year.

26. What was the best book you read?
I couldn’t choose

27. What was your greatest musical discovery?
I developed a sick liking for Fergie

28. What did you want and get?
I got everything I wanted.

29. What did you want and not get?
See above.

30. What was your favorite film of this year?
I don’t think any stand out

31. What did you do on your birthday, and how old were you?
I turned 21 and I went for dinner at Acme. It frickin’ snowed.

32. What one thing would have made your year immeasurably more satisfying
Maybe if I had a kitten?

33. How would you describe your personal fashion concept in 2008?
Evolving. I decided to go for a more mature look.

34. What kept you sane?
Tim. And Trish.

35. Which celebrity/public figure did you fancy the most?
Ellen

36. What political issue stirred you the most?
Our federal election, and the United States presidential election. I watched both.

37. Who did you miss?
Trisha. Victoria is too far away.

38. Who was the best new person you met?
All of my co-workers and my kids

39. Tell us a valuable life lesson you learned in 2008:
First impressions should always be re-evaluated, but they might turn out to be right anyways.

40. Quote a song lyric that sums up your year:
“Hands down this is the best day I can ever remember.”

top four highlights
1. Getting engaged
2. Buying a house
3. Starting work at the daycare
4. Tim’s graduation day