Re start.. again...

I am trying to start this up. Again. I'm hoping since life has somewhat reached a calm state that I'll be able to do this on a regular basis.

Lots of things have changed since July. Namely, I had the baby :) We named her Evelyn (recently nicknamed "Buck"). And by "we" and I mean that I picked it. Because 12 hours of "labour" followed by a c-section entitles a woman to that right. (but more on the birth story later...)

Another change - I have embraced my inner hippie! We are now a baby-wearing, cloth diapering, family cloth using (only ask if you really want to know), room sharing family. And have lots of plans for Buck's future - baby led weaning, extended breast feeding, extended rear-facing, and much much more. Since having the baby, my inner activist has reared her ugly head, and I have started advocating for things such as keeping our baby boys intact.

One final change, I've gone back to church. The LDS church, if you were curious.

So there we go. You're all caught up.

the sweeping insensitivity of this still life

I have sensed a change. A deffinite change inside my head. I was at work today, and sometimes when things get a bit crazy for a particular person they will take a mental health bathroom break. Which is understandable. In our feild of work there is something about certain children that make you want to beat the crap out of their parents. (Why oh why anyone can have children with no regulations regarding who drives me crazy!)

So anyways. Today I was feeling like I wanted to take a mental heath bathroom break and I had the thought that instead I should pray. Pray for guidance. Pray for strength. Pray for the knowledge that these children needed something from me to learn good.

I didn't do it. I thought about it. But didn't. Sometimes I do. Sometimes I don't. I still have an issue with the idea of Jesus.

I also realized a change. I heard that someone I knew might be pregnant. Someone who deserved it. Who will be a wonderful mother. And I was happy. Is this because I am on my pregnant path, or because I'm just a better person?

sunday sunday sunday sunday

Tomorrow is yet another Sunday... I had a dream many weeks ago that involved the Church of LDS and ovens and jackets and graveyards and childcare... anyhow, when I looked it all up a stove, which was one of the main images in my dream "suggests a developing awareness"

Sunday. To go or not to go?