the sweeping insensitivity of this still life

I have sensed a change. A deffinite change inside my head. I was at work today, and sometimes when things get a bit crazy for a particular person they will take a mental health bathroom break. Which is understandable. In our feild of work there is something about certain children that make you want to beat the crap out of their parents. (Why oh why anyone can have children with no regulations regarding who drives me crazy!)

So anyways. Today I was feeling like I wanted to take a mental heath bathroom break and I had the thought that instead I should pray. Pray for guidance. Pray for strength. Pray for the knowledge that these children needed something from me to learn good.

I didn't do it. I thought about it. But didn't. Sometimes I do. Sometimes I don't. I still have an issue with the idea of Jesus.

I also realized a change. I heard that someone I knew might be pregnant. Someone who deserved it. Who will be a wonderful mother. And I was happy. Is this because I am on my pregnant path, or because I'm just a better person?

Oh, What a night!

I've been doing some music discovering lately. I had several months where I just listened to my old stale music. But thanks to the very convienient digital radio we get with our cable package I am exposed to new music. Particularily, Paramore and Marina and the Diamonds. Now I do realize Paramore isn't new to me at all. But Marina and the Diamonds certainly are. So there.

I also have rekindled my love for the oldies by downloading some Frankie Vallee and the Four Seasons. We saw a cover group on the honeymoon and both loved it! (www.ohwhatanighttribute.com if you are interested. See them, they are worth it!).

News.. Married life is just the same as non-married life. Except for the fact that I still am amazed that we're actually married. It is truly weird to look at Tim and see a shiny ring on his finger. It's also weird getting used to a new last name. New signature, new initials, new everything! You don't realize how second nature a signature/initial signing is untill you sign the old one when you should sign the new one.

We are currently in the middle of month one of no MTX. Five and a half more months to go :s I've already noticed a difference in my wrists and ankles. I'm hoping this isn't a sign of things to come later on. But the baby at the end of this all will make it better!

Daycare annecdote for the post: NONE! Today was my day off!

Dissapointed?

I know when I check other people's blogs and they haven't updated in 15 days I get a little frustrated. Why aren't they posting? What is going on??

So I appoligise to anyone who was upset by this.

News: I have NOT caught H1N1. Although several children in my daycare have been diagnosed with it. I do currently have some sort of cold that dislikes me. We'll see what happens.

My wedding dress has arrived. As in MY dress! Not a store sample that hundreds of girls have tried on... MY gown! The one Tim will see and be amazed by. Absolutely stunned.

I also have a new week and a half old nephew named Kadyn! Pronouced Kay-den, for those of you who might be confused. He is adorable, which isn't confusing. And I am so completely jealous I would love to take him home. I was teasing Tim that I wouldn't take him, because he is a boy and I want a girl.

"Yeah right." He said scornfully. "If someone came up to you and said, 'This boy baby or NO baby.' You would take him."

"Absolutely." I said. People very rarely give away free babies. Although I used to have daydreams that while I was hanging my arms out the car window a baby would fall from the sky from a plane and they would let me keep it because I saved it from smushing onto the ground. Dreams die hard, hey?

Speaking of dreams... I had three in a row where my oldest younger brother was angry at me. Which is silly, because he's not. None of my brothers are. Although the middle one might be rejecting everyone :s

I have decorted somewhat. I'm not allowed a tree untill December. And I can't do it on my own because the tree is extremely huge and difficult. It is a two person job.

Alaska Bound

Yesterday Tim and I had a long desired morning off together. We both had Saturday off (an amazing and surprising first) but sadly I was updating my first aide... sort of important.

So. We had our day off and we made a special trip down to Coombs for fudge. Yes. We specifically drove to coombs and back only to buy two thick slives of maple and vanilla fudge. It made me think of you, Amay! The fudge was delicious. We have eaten more than a healthy amount already... plus way too many english mints. They are too much fun to crunch and enjoy.

Anywho, regarding alaska... after our fudge journey we wended our way to Sears Travel to talk with Megan, our travel agent (sounds so grown-upish) about our honeymoon. The finalized plans are as follows:

Saturday evening - Catch the ferry to Vancouver and stay in a classy hotel. No heart shaped beds :s
Sunday morning - drive down to Seattle in our car, and park it
Sunday Afternoon - Board the NCL ship to Alaska!

Don't worry. They'll ship us back to Seattle. At which point we'll drive back to Vancouver, stay in a classy hotel, and ferry boat it home.

In some ways I'm looking forward to this trip more than the wedding. Mostly I'm looking forward to when I'm "allowed" to have a baby. I found out today that yet another young, somewhat immature girl my age is pregnant. Not married. Not engaged. No house. No job.

I know there is a reason for everything... but what is the reason for this? Maybe there are some children at work that need my help right now. And if I had my own baby I couldn't be there for them. *sigh* I do love my daycare kids though... They've helped me realize that I'd love a boy just as much as a girl. (If I get to choose, though, Lucy Mae needs a body for her name.)

Now off to do laundry so the man of the house has clean work shirts for tomorrow.