Dissapointed?

I know when I check other people's blogs and they haven't updated in 15 days I get a little frustrated. Why aren't they posting? What is going on??

So I appoligise to anyone who was upset by this.

News: I have NOT caught H1N1. Although several children in my daycare have been diagnosed with it. I do currently have some sort of cold that dislikes me. We'll see what happens.

My wedding dress has arrived. As in MY dress! Not a store sample that hundreds of girls have tried on... MY gown! The one Tim will see and be amazed by. Absolutely stunned.

I also have a new week and a half old nephew named Kadyn! Pronouced Kay-den, for those of you who might be confused. He is adorable, which isn't confusing. And I am so completely jealous I would love to take him home. I was teasing Tim that I wouldn't take him, because he is a boy and I want a girl.

"Yeah right." He said scornfully. "If someone came up to you and said, 'This boy baby or NO baby.' You would take him."

"Absolutely." I said. People very rarely give away free babies. Although I used to have daydreams that while I was hanging my arms out the car window a baby would fall from the sky from a plane and they would let me keep it because I saved it from smushing onto the ground. Dreams die hard, hey?

Speaking of dreams... I had three in a row where my oldest younger brother was angry at me. Which is silly, because he's not. None of my brothers are. Although the middle one might be rejecting everyone :s

I have decorted somewhat. I'm not allowed a tree untill December. And I can't do it on my own because the tree is extremely huge and difficult. It is a two person job.

the snowball effect

I already knew how true it was, but it is just plain fact that once things start to roll, they go faster and faster untill they smash into something.

I don't want to smash.

I wish I had someone on the other side to talk to.

mind blown

I was just watching a video clip of a man talking about his role as a father. He was saying that he looked at raising children, and having children, as being entrusted with the responsibility of raising them by God. That they were God's children, and God wanted him to raise them properly...

That hit home. That our kids really aren't our kids, but either God's kids, or our worlds children. Even in a non-religious view of that... you have been given this responsibility to raise these children right. Not for you, not even really for them, but for our society, for mankind as a whole.

I feel very small right now.

worn out

I am so sick of life today. I'm sure tomorrow I'll be friends with it again. Today... no. I've been working full time, with busy weekends. And this weekend is busy again. I hate busy weekends!

Though, last weekend was important and this weekend will be fun.

Last weekend we were in Victoria so Tim could do his PARE (the rcmp physical exam). He did great. 3:42! The cut-off time was over a minute more than that. I'm proud of him... but honestly... the closer his actually being a cop comes, the stranger I feel. *shrug*

Next weekend we're in Port Alberni for a cousin's wedding, and his Grandpa's 80th birthday. His family events make me feel uncomfortable. All I want to do is hide. But we'll have the wedding to talk about, I guess. Haha, except that we're not inviting everyone :s

Wedding news: I bought my veil... 130$ later and I won a gift certificate for the Bride's Closet. Nice. I also found out 2 other people are using my venue. But after me, so it's okay.

I miss Tim. He works late tonight and I need cuddles :(

sunday sunday sunday sunday

Tomorrow is yet another Sunday... I had a dream many weeks ago that involved the Church of LDS and ovens and jackets and graveyards and childcare... anyhow, when I looked it all up a stove, which was one of the main images in my dream "suggests a developing awareness"

Sunday. To go or not to go?

Alaska Bound

Yesterday Tim and I had a long desired morning off together. We both had Saturday off (an amazing and surprising first) but sadly I was updating my first aide... sort of important.

So. We had our day off and we made a special trip down to Coombs for fudge. Yes. We specifically drove to coombs and back only to buy two thick slives of maple and vanilla fudge. It made me think of you, Amay! The fudge was delicious. We have eaten more than a healthy amount already... plus way too many english mints. They are too much fun to crunch and enjoy.

Anywho, regarding alaska... after our fudge journey we wended our way to Sears Travel to talk with Megan, our travel agent (sounds so grown-upish) about our honeymoon. The finalized plans are as follows:

Saturday evening - Catch the ferry to Vancouver and stay in a classy hotel. No heart shaped beds :s
Sunday morning - drive down to Seattle in our car, and park it
Sunday Afternoon - Board the NCL ship to Alaska!

Don't worry. They'll ship us back to Seattle. At which point we'll drive back to Vancouver, stay in a classy hotel, and ferry boat it home.

In some ways I'm looking forward to this trip more than the wedding. Mostly I'm looking forward to when I'm "allowed" to have a baby. I found out today that yet another young, somewhat immature girl my age is pregnant. Not married. Not engaged. No house. No job.

I know there is a reason for everything... but what is the reason for this? Maybe there are some children at work that need my help right now. And if I had my own baby I couldn't be there for them. *sigh* I do love my daycare kids though... They've helped me realize that I'd love a boy just as much as a girl. (If I get to choose, though, Lucy Mae needs a body for her name.)

Now off to do laundry so the man of the house has clean work shirts for tomorrow.

Ah, to have wisdom

Wisdom. Overrated? In the case of teeth I'd have to say yes! On thursday I have to go and have one of my wisdom teeth removed. I am not thrilled. Especially since my boss has me working the day afterwards. I would prefer to have that day off :(

In other news... back in July, maybe, I "called" Thanksgiving. Which baisically meant that I wanted to have it at my house. I wanted to cook the turkey, be in charge and host the event. I called it so long ago because I missed out on Christmas at my house last year. And because thanksgiving last year sucked. The turkey was raw. Ew.

Last night at Tim's parents house we're visiting with them and his brother, sister in law and nephew and all of a sudden Tracy says, "Oh, we're having Thanksgiving at our house this year."

Great. So everyone forgot that I called it. And I can't do Christmas because the other stupid sister in law will have her stupid baby by then and want to have his first Christmas at home. Which I understand. I do.

But where does this leave me? Thanksgiving 2009 - Taken
Christmas 2009 - Taken
Easter 2010 - Busy with wedding stuff

and by the tim Thanksgiving and Christmas role around NEXT year, I'll be off my medications and probably unable to walk let alone prepare and host a large family dinner.

Most of the time I love (most) of my in-laws. At times like this I feel absolutely rejected and unimportant. I don't know how many times I have felt like just giving up on trying to be a part of it.

I feel like telling everyone to fuck off and going and having Thanksgiving anyways at my house for MY family. Except that would upset Tim... and I don't want him upset.